


Say Something

by Twackycat



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Asexual Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Trans Character, Trans Grantaire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 23:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16775032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twackycat/pseuds/Twackycat
Summary: Grantaire had been feeling terrible all day, and despite what he knew Enjolras would say, he hadn't had anything to drink at all today. In fact, he hadn't had anything to drink in the past several days. Which could be part of the reason he was feeling so terrible, but he didn't want to think about what exactly such a dependency upon alcohol might mean. Although he also really didn't want to think about the other possibility that had come to mind.





	Say Something

Grantaire had been feeling terrible all day, and despite what he knew Enjolras would say, he hadn’t had anything to drink at all today. In fact, he hadn’t had anything to drink in the past several days. Which could be part of the reason he was feeling so terrible, but he didn’t want to think about what exactly such a dependency upon alcohol might mean. Although he also really didn’t want to think about the other possibility that had come to mind.

  
Either way, he really hadn’t been feeling well for several days, and today it was just getting worse. But there was a meeting tonight and he’d yet to miss a meeting since he started attending. Feeling ill was not going to stop him from going.

* * *

He walked the entire way to the Musain and slunk into the back room a few minutes before the official start of the meeting. Gratefully, he sank into his usual seat in the corner and buried his head into his arms on top of the table. Grantaire hoped that everyone else would be too occupied with each other to notice him.

  
“Grantaire!” Of course, his wish wouldn’t be granted. He tensed when an arm suddenly landed heavily on his shoulders. “How are you today, my friend? I haven’t heard from you in several days! I was beginning to worry if I should start looking for you.” Weakly Grantaire raised his head and looked up at Bahorel who smiled down at him. Carefully he moved himself out from underneath Bahorel’s arm and shrugged in response to the question.

Bahorel looked at him uncertainly, though he didn’t say anything else about it. Unfortunately, several of their other friends had seen the interaction and were at their sides in an instant.

Grantaire bit the inside of his cheek as he suddenly had a hand on his forehead, and a hand on his shoulder and a hand on his back and it was all too much. He scrambled backwards, away from all of the unwanted touches. In the back of his mind, he knew they were just his friends being worried. He just couldn’t get his landlord and his wandering hands out of his mind.

Everyone else just stared at him with varying levels of concern, or in Enjolras’ case, a very heavy, clearly disapproving frown. A whimper escaped him as people stepped towards him again and he stumbled back another step.

“Everyone take a step back.” Jehan moved himself in front of everyone else, forcing them to take the step back he’d ordered. Despite his small stature, he was still larger than Grantaire, who was feeling even smaller than normal. His landlord wasn’t much larger than Jehan either, but he still proved he could easily overpower Grantaire. His thoughts started to drift, pulled into the darkness he’d been hoping to be able to avoid in the company of his friends.

“Grantaire, are you alright?” Grantaire was pulled from his thoughts about his landlord by the sound of Jehan’s voice. It was then that he realized he was trembling like a leaf in the winds, and Jehan was right in front of him with a kind, concerned look on his face.

It took him a second to really register the question but once he did, he found himself involuntarily shaking his head no. From behind Jehan he heard somebody, probably Joly, make a small wounded noise, but nobody but Jehan came closer. Slowly Jehan opened his arms, a clear invitation for a hug. Grantaire still found himself shaking his head, taking another small shuffle backwards as he wrapped his arms around himself.

“It’s okay R, nobody is going to come closer if you don’t want us to, but we want to help you out.” Jehan’s voice was just as soft and melodic as it normally was but all Grantaire could hear was the leering smile his landlord had.

“That’s what he said.” R’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the entire room seemed to hear him loud and clear.

“Who?” R shook his head. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “R, you know you can tell us anything.”

“He said not to tell anyone, otherwise he’d up the price.” R hadn’t thought it was possible for it to get any quieter in the room, but he was proved wrong. Slowly Enjolras took a step closer but still kept his distance. The dark look on his face was back, and it just made Grantaire want to cower even more.

“Grantaire, are you being blackmailed?” Everyone in the room tensed and after a second barely nodded his head. The room stayed quiet as Enjolras took yet another step closer to Grantaire, now even with Jehan.

A noise escaped Grantaire as he took another step back and he ran into the wall and his legs seemed to give out from underneath him. As he sank to the floor Enjolras closed the distance between them, kneeling on the ground next to him. For a second the blond’s hands fluttered in the air, unsure what to do with them. He finally settled them on his knees, not touching Grantaire, but also not out of sight.

“Grantaire, it doesn’t matter who is blackmailing you, or what you’re being blackmailed for. None of us will judge you, only do our best to protect you.” Grantaire couldn’t get his mind to work. Why would anyone, let alone Enjolras, want to help him? He’d never seen Enjolras on his knees before, he wasn’t supposed to do that. He was a god, he wasn’t supposed to interact with scum like Grantaire.

“But you don’t even like me?” He didn’t mean for it to be a question, but it was, and Enjolras’ immediate response was a frown.

“You’re one of my closest friends, just as everyone else in this room. Now is not the time for this conversation, but just know that I love you, as does everyone else in here. Will you please let us help you?”

“But, how could you? I’m a complete failure in everything I do. I’m consumed by drink, so much that I tremble if I don’t have any. Nothing I ever paint is beautiful as it doesn’t sell. In the face of real danger, I freeze and can’t decide myself. I can’t even be born with the right body.”

Grantaire froze as soon as that flew out of his mouth. His deepest secret was now laid to bare to the entire room. He pulled his knees up in front of his chest, acutely aware of the mounds of flesh he had bound down as tightly as he could. Nobody else moved as Feuilly carefully wound his way through the onlooking group, kneeling down next to Enjolras.

“Have we been using the wrong pronouns?” Grantaire gave the smallest shake of his head and then bit his lip.

“I’m a man. I just didn’t have the decency to be born with the right body.” R kept his gaze firmly on the ground in front of him, not wanting to see the looks of disgust on his friends’ faces.

“I understand. Most of the time male doesn’t seem right to me.” Jehan spoke up quietly but Grantaire still whipped his head up to look at Jehan. “Female doesn’t fit me either though. I feel like I’m somewhere in between or maybe even neither of them.”

Jehan quietly knelt down next to the other two, arms open, silently waiting for Grantaire to take the final initiative. He hesitated for a second before giving the barest of nods and then he found himself wrapped in Jehan’s arms.

“Grantaire, you may be the bravest man I know.” He took a deep steadying breath and closed his eyes. Letting his head drop so his face was buried in Jehan’s shoulder, R tried to fight back the tears. “Just let it out. It’s not good for you, or anyone, to bottle up their emotions.”

R nodded as the tears started to drip down his cheeks, his breathing hitched as a sob escaped him. Jehan gently tightened the hug and after a second, he felt another hand lay gently on his shoulder. He tensed for a second before the hand started to rub his back and he relaxed a little.

Vaguely he could hear talking above his head, but he just found himself not caring. He knew all of them. He trusted all of them. And he finally let himself get some much-needed rest.

* * *

When Grantaire woke up and realized that he was in a bed he didn’t recognize, he started to panic. A hand immediately started to run through his curls while a voice shushed him and muttered small complacencies. It took a little bit for R to realize that it was Joly who was sitting there comforting him, but as soon as he realized it, he turned around and buried his head against Joly’s shoulder.

Arms came up and then he was actually being held. While Grantaire whispered thank you over and over again, Joly continued to shush him. Grantaire hadn’t even realized he’d started crying again until Joly started to wipe away the tears.

“We’ve got you, we’re not going to let anything happen to you.” Grantaire nodded stiffly and let out a shuddering breath as he focused in on Joly, who gave him a blinding smile when they finally made eye contact. “There you are! How are you feeling?”

“A little… floaty? I can’t really believe…” Grantaire hunched his shoulders, truing to be as unobtrusive as possible. Joly settle both of his hands on R’s shoulders, forcing the smaller man to keep looking at him.

“That’s understandable. It sounds like you’ve had a few rough days lately. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now.”

Grantaire tensed at the reminder of what had happened before the meeting last night, and that his friends weren’t the only ones who had found out and his landlord hadn’t taken it nearly as well as his friends had.

“What’s wrong R?” Joly brought him out of his downward spiral of thoughts that he was standing on the edge of.

“I have a really bad headache.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t what Joly was asking about. Joly frowned at him, eyes narrowing as he looked closer at Grantaire. Grantaire clenched his hands in his lap, trying to hide their trembling. His friend didn’t hesitate to take hold of them and place a kiss on top of them.

“Do you need a drink?” R hesitated a second before nodding his head, and immediately ducked his head as his face heated up. “Hey there’s no need for that. I’ll go get you a drink and this is something we can work on later.”

Joly dropped another kiss, this time on top of Grantaire’s head and then let go of his hands. Grabbing his cane, he disappeared quickly out the door, leaving Grantaire sitting on the bed. He didn’t really have time for his mind to follow the dark path it was starting down because Joly was back with a generous glass of wine within a minute or two.

Joly sat back down on the bed next to him, dropping his cane to the ground as he did so. He then used his free hand to guide Grantaire’s trembling hands to the glass. Grantaire knew from previous experience to sip at the wine instead of gulp it down like he really wanted to. The wine was a better quality that he usually had, so it was still sooner than he thought possible that the wine was gone, and Joly was gently pulling the glass away. More importantly though, Joly wasn’t getting up to get another glass.

“If you don’t start feeling even a bit better in a few minutes, I’ll get you some more okay?” Grantaire nodded, but kept his head down, hoping that Joly had forgotten where their conversation had been before he’d left. “Now what’s really wrong R?” He shook his head and Joly gently grabbed a hold of his hands again and gave them a slight squeeze. “Please don’t shut me out. I’m here to help you.” He paused for a second. “And if you don’t want to talk to me, any of the others are more than willing too. Please, just don’t shut us out.” He took a deep, shuddering breath and confessed to Joly.

“My landlord found out. When he came to get rent.” Beside him Joly stiffened, and R bit his lip, debating on if he wanted to actually tell Joly. He gave Grantaire’s hands another squeeze.

“Are you out of a home? I remember you saying you were worried you wouldn’t be able to make rent this month. You know Bossuet and I would be thrilled to have you stay with us.”

“N-no. He… He found out when he went to rough me up for not having the money. And when he put his hands on my chest he knew. He then… He forced himself on me and called it good enough for rent. He also said that if I let him any time he wanted, then I didn’t have to pay rent.” Tears had started dripping down his face as he admitted to one of his closest friends that he didn’t have the ability to fend off unwanted advances.

“That’s why you got so distressed by all of us crowding you yesterday.” R doubted he was supposed to have heard Joly muttering underneath his breath, but he still nodded to confirm the idea. “I want to hug you. Is that okay?” Grantaire nodded again and Joly carefully wrapped him up in his arms. “My offer is still there. You can move in with Bossuet and I.”

“But what about Musichetta? I love all three of you, but I don’t think she’d be thrilled for me to always be there.” Joly gave him a slight squeeze.

“We’ll work something out. Any of our friends would be more than willing to take you in. And you’d never have to see that piece of shit of a landlord ever again.” R found himself smiling slightly, and then looking around, realizing he still didn’t recognize where they were.

“Where are we?”

“Enjolras’ room. The others are all waiting worriedly in the living room.” Grantaire nodded as he tried to process that. Last night Enjolras had been protective of him, at least up until they’d all found out, and then he’d been silent. Joly had said they were worried about him, but his stomach twisted unpleasantly at the thought of having to face them. “Do you want to go out to see them? Or do you want me to bring a couple of them in here at a time? Or do you just want it to be us for a little while longer?” Grantaire hesitated for a second while he debated the pros and cons of each option.

“I’ll go out and see them.” He really wanted to be left alone, but he also knew he had to see them eventually. Better sooner rather than later. He also would have rather only dealt with a few of them at a time, but he wanted to be able to run away if he really felt the need to, and he couldn’t do that if he was in the bedroom. Joly flashed him a smile as he stood up, offering R a hand up. R accepted it gratefully and found himself smiling a little bit at Joly’s enthusiasm. It didn’t do much to ease his nerves though.  
Joly rushed ahead of him as much as he could while leaning on the walls, so excited he’d left his cane in the bedroom. Grantaire hung back a bit to listen in when Joly went ahead into the living room.

“R’ll be out in just a second. Be kind, he’s had a rough couple of days. Also, he’s looking for new lodgings. I offered him Bossuet and I’s place, but he pointed out that Musichetta already practically lives with us already.” The others murmured softly to each other, and R took a deep breath before walking out into the living room. Everyone immediately looked up at him, but thankfully none of them made a move towards him. He hesitated a second before he crept forward, settling on the floor in front of where Jehan was sitting on a couch.

The strawberry blond didn’t say anything, just started running a gentle hand through Grantaire’s curls. It made him feel very self-conscious about the fact that he his hair was excessively greasy right now, but Jehan didn’t mention it and instead turned towards where Courfeyrac was. They immediately dove back into whatever conversation they’d been having before Grantaire came into the room.

Very quickly the room went back to multiple, overlapping conversations with none of them focused on Grantaire. R felt his shoulders relax as none of their eyes were on him anymore. He didn’t want to be the center of attention right now, he just wanted to fade into the background like he normally did. He closed his eyes and gently leaned against Jehan’s legs, relishing the feeling of a kind touch.

“Grantaire?” Slowly he opened his eyes to see Enjolras sitting on the floor a foot or so away from him. He had his hair down, unlike he normally did, and he looked more relaxed than Grantaire had ever seen him before. Enjolras had a soft smile on his face, one that Grantaire had only ever seen directed at Combeferre and Courfeyrac before. “You are more than welcome to stay here, if you’d like. I have a spare room.” R frowned slightly, maybe he was misremembering.

“I thought you and Combeferre roomed together.”

“We did until very recently when he decided to move in with Courfeyrac.”

“I thought Courfeyrac and Jehan…”

“It might be all three. I’m not sure, and it’s not my place to ask.” Grantaire hesitated for a moment before speaking up again.

“Are you sure you’d be fine with me being here? I know you aren’t overly fond of me.” Enjolras frowned at him and Grantaire shrank in on himself, internally cursing himself for bringing up such a sore subject. He kept his eyes on his lap as he waited for Enjolras to retract his offer of living with him. After a second, Enjolras gently took his hands into his. Grantaire nearly sobbed at how gentle he was being, why couldn’t he just yell at him and tell him to get out?

“Grantaire, will you look at me?” Knowing he could never refuse Enjolras, Grantaire slowly brought his eyes up to meet Enjolras’. He wasn’t exactly sure what emotion he was seeing in the stormy blue eyes, and that terrified him just a little.

Enjolras just held his hands, looking at him with that unreadable expression, and Grantaire started to squirm. When Grantaire opened his mouth to say something, anything really, just to break whatever had settled between them, Enjolras covered Grantaire’s mouth with a single finger.

“I’m trying to figure out what to say. Please bear with me for a minute.” Grantaire could only find himself giving a slight nod. He’d never seen Enjolras at a loss for words before. Glancing up, he made eye contact with Combeferre who was looking at both of them fondly, while he had an arm around Courfeyrac, who had Jehan, apparently asleep, leaning against him.

“Grantaire.” He immediately looked right back at Enjolras, his attention focused solely on him. “I told you last night that you are one of my closest friends. And it pains me deeply that you were not on the same page as me about that. I always look forward to our arguments, because they make my speeches better and keep me grounded in reality. And while you frustrate me somedays, it’s mostly because you could be so much more than you are now, if only you’d believe in yourself a little bit. I now understand you’ve been facing even more problems than I previously thought and its only making me more proud of you. Last night I told you I loved you, but I want you to know that my love for you goes beyond the platonic love that I hold for the others, even the brotherly love I have for Combeferre and Courfeyrac. I love you. You’re the perfect balance for me, and I want you to stay in my life.”

Grantaire could do nothing but stare at Enjolras as his brain tried to process what had just been said to him. He hadn’t even realized that he was breathing heavily and starting to panic until he heard Joly telling him to breathe, and then his hand was being placed against a chest. And slowly he got his breathing under control, following the rise and fall of the chest underneath his palm.

His forehead was gently resting against another as a hand gently cupped the back of his head. Opening his eyes, he was a little surprised to see that it was Enjolras who was being so comforting. Enjolras pulled back slightly, just enough to be able to meet Grantaire’s eyes, nothing but concern in them.

“Say something.” Enjolras’ voice was barely above a whisper, and for a second, Grantaire could forget that all of their friends were probably in the room watching them.

“Tell me you felt this way before you found out.” Enjolras’ grip on the back of his head tightened slightly. “Please tell me this isn’t because you found out about my body.” Grantaire grimaced slightly at how his voice cracked as he spoke, but he needed to know. “Because I can’t give you anything in that respect.”

“I promise you it’s not. I have never once felt a need, or want even, for sex. Your body has zero impact on how I feel about you. I love you for your mind and your personality.”

“My personality is shit. I do nothing but drink and heckle people all day.”

“I know that’s not true. You might drink in excess, but you are probably the kindest person I know. You never think twice about giving to those in need, despite the fact that you don’t believe in our cause.”

“I don’t believe that you can really change the world. But I believe in you. And I believe that if anyone can change the world, it will be you.” Grantaire was surprised when Enjolras was suddenly pressing his lips against his. Just when Enjolras started to pull away, Grantaire pushed forward, chasing after the feeling.

When they finally pulled apart, they went back to leaning their foreheads against each other, and neither of them could stop smiling. A small giggle escaped Grantaire, and both of them collapsed into the other’s arms, ending up a pile of giggling, tangled limbs.

Eventually they settled down with Grantaire practically laying on top of Enjolras, his head resting on his chest. Enjolras’ heartbeat loud and clear and comforting under his ear. Grantaire was starting to drift back to sleep when Combeferre appeared above them.

“Are you guys going to spend the whole day on the floor?” He had a slight smirk on his face as Enjolras looked fondly down at Grantaire who was ducking his head as his face heated up. Enjolras dropped a kiss to the top of Grantaire’s head and maneuvered his way out from underneath him. As he stood up, Enjolras offered a hand up to Grantaire, who took it, stumbling slightly as he regained his balance. All the while, Combeferre just watched with a knowing smile on his face. “Feuilly raided your kitchen and cooked you some dinner.”

Combeferre then turned away, walking into the kitchen where all of the others could be heard. Grantaire started towards it but stopped when Enjolras gently grabbed his hand. He turned to look at the other man, who smiled that soft smile.

“I assume this means that you’ll be staying with me?” Grantaire rolled his eyes and instead of answering, just gave Enjolras a kiss before leading them towards all of their friends, hand in hand.

**Author's Note:**

> It's meant to be set in ambiguous era, so it can be whenever you want. That's why I didn't specifically call Grantaire trans. It's also why I didn't use nonbinary to describe Jehan, though that's what I always see them as. And both Enjolras and Grantaire are Asexual.


End file.
